JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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