Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
