Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
