I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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