thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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