I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
