U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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