just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
