idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
