I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
