Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
