Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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