So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
