It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
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