I am in a vortex of obligation.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
