Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
