Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
