You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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