Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Sorry about my life...
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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