Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
We left the knife in your bed.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
