I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I checked into jail on foursquare
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
