OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
