wrigley field is MILF paradise
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
