My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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