You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
