Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
