I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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