So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
