I just saw a hot homeless man
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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