Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
where does the pee come out of this thing
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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