i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
