Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
