you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
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