you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
