omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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