I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
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