Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
