we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I smell like Dick and happiness
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