i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
