I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
