i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
