I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
