So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
