fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I am mentally ready for anal.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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