a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
