True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
