Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Dicks are not precious.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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