How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
