a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
