He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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