the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
