Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
